stuff.

I'm not a good blogger. But I'm sitting here during nap time, editing photos but my head is just full. Full of thoughts that I need to empty someplace before I can go back to editing.

I want to move. I want to move into a house and decorate it just like all of the pins I've pinned on Pinterest. I was it to be full of cool antiques and colorful fabric and things that I've done myself. A house that is kid friendly without being overtaken by toys and stuff. However, I need to buy the stuff initially to get it there, right?

I want to go shopping for all of this stuff to make our house a more beautiful home. But in my heart I know stuff does not a beautiful home make. A beautiful home is made with love and memories and patience and kindness with open doors full of community and friendship. I know this, but my heart is not always there.

I started reading the book Seven. This book is about getting rid of stuff to focus more on God. To have less of me and my stuff and more of God and his kingdom. I'm really excited to take part and actually start doing some of the stuff I've read about. I asked a group of women to go through this book with me and we're going to start it together in January. First up, reducing our diet. While she chooses just seven foods to eat for a month - as a breastfeeding mother who will also be cooking for my 2.5 year old I won't be reducing that much. I think however we'll do a only plant based diet for the month. Look at me, already compromising. ;)

But food is not the point. The point is balance. I need to learn how to balance my wants and my needs. A beautiful home is nice - but the fact that I have a house alone is something to be thankful for. I need to be thankful for what I have without longing for more stuff. Truthfully, I don't so much want more stuff, just different stuff. I love getting rid of stuff... if you know me well you know it's probably my very favorite thing to do. Purge. I love it. And most of the time I'm disgusted with the amount of crap stuff we have.

So I'm torn because I do not have balance here. On the one hand, I am thankful... on the other hand I'm not happy with what I have because I constantly want different stuff. I read fashion blogs and home design blogs and they leave me unsatisfied and wanting. Wanting a new living room and a new wardrobe. Wanting to be more crafty and DIY-capable. Then I read books like Seven and they leave me unsatisfied with my situation and leave me wanting to be more like Jesus... but still with the super cool living room and the closet full of beautiful clothes. My heart is not like His. I have a long way to go and I'm just searching for that balance.

But that balance of being, what, satisfied? But is being satisfied the point? No. The point is Jesus. Loving people how he does. Getting to know the poor without just throwing my leftover stuff or money at. Without constantly wanting different stuff then what I have, which I should be nothing but thankful for. And that is where I wish my heart was. I have a long way to go. Jesus, wreck my heart here.