joy

My daughter woke up at 6am. I rolled out of bed happy. Thrilled, actually, to go and see her. To nurse her and comfort her. All of the noises she made were the most beautiful noises I've heard in my whole life and I couldn't believe how lucky I am to be her mommy when she looked up at me and smiled.

I laid her back down at 6:30 only to go back to bed to find my son laying his sweet head on my pillow. How in the world did I get to be so lucky? To have this two ridiculously awesome children. I don't ever, ever want to take them for granted.

I'm sitting on the couch while my son watches Wonder Pets and my heart is so full I feel like it's going to burst. This is joy. I've found joy in the mundane today... and it's just ridiculous.

I wholeheartedly believe this shift is all due to being thankful. Every year around this time my husband is very, very busy with rehearsals to prep for the Christmas Eve rehearsal. This year we'll have two services Sunday he'll be doing acoustically as well as two services on Monday for the holiday. It's the busiest time of year for church rehearsals. If I'm being honest... I'll admit that usually around this time I'm horribly selfish. I'm mad that my husband isn't home for more than a couple hours and upset that our kids aren't getting to see him.

But this year? This year there's been a change within me. (Sorry if that sounds cheesy or lame, but it's just true...). God is changing me and I'm learning to listen and take heed of some of these lessons. So the past two days I've not gotten to see my sweet hubs hardly at all and like I said, that usually has an incredibly negative impact on my attitude. But this year I've chosen to not complain. Often I think of that verse "Out of the heart the mouth speaks..." and I get so disappointed with the state of my heart if I can be so complain-y. Anyway, I've not complained. I've not moaned or given him a hard time for leaving to go to rehearsal, which I'll admit, I've done many, many times before. And this alone has such a positive affect on us, on me, and I can only assume on him as well.

He has to go to rehearsal. I can serve him by taking care of our children and just simply encouraging him. It's so simple and makes me feel so guilty. I think so highly of this man. This sweet wonderful man that is my husband. Why would I want to do anything but encourage him? To try to bless him? So with that guilt of how I've acted in the past comes change for the future. I did not complain about any rehearsals but only  tried to encourage him. I wanted him to be fully present without worrying about me or the kids. He is so busy and is giving so much of himself - literally going from work to home to play with our kids and  interact with them as much as possible in the one hour he has at home then head to rehearsal just to get home really late and go to bed then wake up early and do it all over again. He's awesome.

And because I've been more aware of my actions - how big of an impact my words and expressions leave on my husband - I've chosen to try to be a blessing to him. Bless him by doing the dishes and cleaning up our art projects. Bless him by picking up the trains scattered throughout the living room and doing bed time with both of our sweet children. Bless him by only speaking positive words and not words that would make him feel any less than unbelievably awesome. And because I've been trying to be a blessing - I am blessed. I have this joy today that I can only believe is a result in my change of attitude. God is so, so good.

A tiny shift in attitude but has left such a big impact on my heart. I encourage you to be a blessing today. Even if that just means doing the dishes. ;)