Saturday, March 3, 2012

streams of consciousness

Today has been a really, really good day so far. Caedmon got up too early - I'm afraid he got that gene from me! But Michael brought him downstairs to eat (Boy is ready to eat immediately after waking up!) and I rolled around in bed a little while longer. I so cherish my sweet husband who is so willing to give this momma just a few more minutes in bed in the morning.

I came downstairs after a shower (sort of a luxury with a toddler!) and he had made coffee and breakfast... then we got ready to go out for the day. Michael for work and Caed and I for a morning out with my girlfriends. Once a month we get together and have breakfast and it is just so nice to catch up with this group of women... I wish I got to see each of them more but with each of us in completely, totally different places in life - it's tough. So I'm so glad we're able to set aside just one Saturday a month and share breakfast together. Caedmon was great the whole time too... Sometimes you never know with a little one.

We came home and it was time for a nap. I'm so thankful nap times have transformed into what they are. I found an old journal the other day and I didn't realize at the time just how much Caedmon's sleep was affecting me - it's all I wrote about probably because I was in a constant state of utter exhaustion. But before I could even realize it... things are better. Better than I could have dreamed. The past few nights Caedmon is asking to go "nigh nigh"... taking my hand, leading me up the stairs, and handing me a book to read him before bed. It's a total dream and I never thought we'd get to where we are. It's not always a piece of cake... but it is definitely the norm and I'm just so thankful! I'm praying that I don't get to that same unhealthy state of exhaustion with the new baby. I'm holding out for a good sleeper from the get-go... it could happen, right?

I realized I don't have much time to think about this new baby. I absolutely adore being a stay at home mom. I have lots of friends who say they're not sure they could do it... and I honestly feel like I'm not sure I could not do it. I never had a real passion until I became a mother. It's literally what I know I was made to do and I had never felt that before. It's a big, big job. But I love it. I don't always get the dishes done or the carpet vacuumed and sometimes I feel like I'm failing at staying home. But I wouldn't change anything. I'm busy with a rambunctious toddler who is challenging me a lot during the day but I wouldn't change a thing. I'm more nervous than I care to admit about what it will be like having two children. I'm so excited for our family to be growing and changing... but I'm definitely scared at how much things will change.

Last night we were under a tornado warning. I grew up in Oklahoma which is in "tornado alley" so I'm no stranger to storms and tornados. Sometimes I realize I take them too lightly because storms really aren't the same here as they are in the midwest. They're much scarier there... and the threat of losing your home is a much more serious one. But I realized that's a foolish way to think - because destruction can happen anywhere... and unfortunately it did happen here. Not here as in Lexington, but here as in Kentucky. Maybe it wasn't a big as a storm as typically happen in Oklahoma... but a loss is a loss and it's heartbreaking regardless of the size. So I want to be more prepared in general for things and to not underestimate things. But I am so very thankful that I don't like in Oklahoma anymore... I remember so many nights when I was younger of just being glued to the TV as Gary England (uhm, he was the weatherman in Oklahoma and storms happened so often he was a pretty big deal, so it's not weird I remember his name!) reported where in the state they were happening and we would all go down to the cellar at my grandparents' house and sit and wait until the storm had passed. It was definitely weird to kind of be transported to those memories yesterday where the only thing I could do was fill our bathroom with pillows and blankets and pack up toiletries, un-refrigerated foods and bottled water. You just have to try to do the best you can with your circumstances... but I definitely missed having that luxury of a cellar right down the street, just in case.

Kind of a random post... but it was kind of nice to just write out some thoughts as I sit in this quiet house by myself for a little while :)

1 comment:

  1. So great to spend some time with you on Saturday too (even though it was short)--it was longer than our typical Sunday interactions. :) And so glad little man is sleeping better. I know what a huge burden this has been for you in the past, so I celebrate what big strides he's making in this area!