bittersweet

Since we've been home - Michael and I have been splitting up every day. He will take Caedmon out somewhere - to the park, Monkey Joe's, the store, today it's a dinosaur exhibit downtown that we saw a commercial for while we were in the hospital (it was weird for us having so much quiet time, we were able to watch a TON of HGTV. We've never had cable so this was a treat!) :).

And I'm sitting here, catching up on blogs I like to read, and watching my precious girl nap and it's wonderful. But I'm sad I'm not with my big kiddo watching him have so much fun seeing all of the dinosaurs. I looked online at the exhibit and it looks SO COOL. I know he and Michael are going to have a blast and I just wish I was there to take pictures and just experience it with them. Em and I could have gone, but it's $15 for adults to get in and we'd like to wait till she's at least one week old before taking her out.

Also, yesterday I wasn't too active - I cut up a watermelon and made some kale chips (which Caedmon would not stop eating so those will definitely be a new staple in this house!) so nothing too strenuous but it was the most I have been on my feet since Em's birth, and then I rested some, then I played out on the back porch with Caedmon. He was in his little pool and I sat next to him - occasionally picking up a ball or toy that he threw out. I didn't feel like I was overexerting myself by any means but after we came inside my body just felt off. Certain parts of my body that were finally starting to feel almost mostly normal again (or at least not constantly painful) were aching something awful and my back hurt and I was just miserable. So today I'm just going to try to take it very, very easy.

So for several reasons the dinosaur exhibit is just for my boys today. And I'm excited for them to get that guy time. But it just makes me a little sad, too.

And on a different note - things are going really great at home. Like I said, my recovery is very much still in process - it's hard to not do things when you're feeling good it's just remembering that you won't continue to feel good if you try to do things like normal. I'm not supposed to lift anything over 10 pounds (Caedmon is 25). I'm still picking him up some but just once or twice a day. He sits on my lap or we sit on the floor but it's weird not holding him and walking (honestly after 5 days of not carrying him I didn't even realize how heavy that boy is!) And Emmaline is a dream. She's still in that constant sleepy state and is just so precious.

Michael held her while I was napping in the hospital and when it was time to feed her he handed her to me and said, "Every time I look at her she just gets more beautiful." And another time I asked him to hand me my phone while he was holding her, but she was holding on to his pinky of his free hand and he said, "She's just holding on so tight... I'll get it when she lets go." She already has her daddy wrapped around her fingers. :) Basically we're both smitten.

Caedmon is just excited about the baby. We're trying to teach him to be gentle around the baby but our boy is not quite grasping that idea. He's very, very active and it's just tough. So honestly they've been separate unless I'm sitting on the couch holding both of them while we watch TV (Unfortunately there has been more TV watching in this house then we'd like - but we're just getting through this stage. And we will.) It's been encouraging to me to hear lots of mothers I really admire and look up to tell me their oldest watched lots of TV as they transitioned their families from three to four.

Anyway, that's a little random update while I have some down time. Turned out to be more random than I had intended... hope you don't mind :)